FOR SALE By Jesse W. James


 By Si Pifkins

(This story was transcribed from Jesse w. James’s handwritten pocket diary.)


One Ford car with piston rings


Two hind wheels and one front spring


Has no fenders, seat made of plank


Easy on gas but hard to crank


Carburetor split half way through.


Engine missing, hits on two


Leaking oil radius rod bent


Extra tire ain’t worth a cent


Gasoline tank leaking gas


Good windshield but has no glass


Ten spoke twisted wheels ain’t plumb


Three old tires, inner tubes on the bum


Top is gone and the body is nude


Radiator busted should be glued


Hind axle twisted in the differential gear


But the horn’s got a honk


Both loud and clear


The transmission gears


Got an awful squeak


But the steering wheel


Is hard to beat


Two spark plugs


Jus bought new


Won’t fire any better


Then the other two


Front lights burn when


The weather is hot


Don’t know if the tail


Lights working or not


She’s full of carbon


Break bands no good


Brand new fan belt


Regular Ford hood


Three years old from the spring


Got shock absorbers


But there darn poor thing


Starts in low and


Stops in high


Had to let the other


Car’s go by.


By rights the engine


Should be rebored


Then she’ll be good


As a brand new Ford


She’s got the speed


If you turn her loose


Burns gas, coal oil or tobacco juice


You can buy her right


If you’ve got the tin


It’s a hellava good Ford for the shape she’s in.